Tuesday, 9 March 2010
/ 4:19 pm
a sudden feeling to blog..
I've been thinking quite a lot. I do my deepest thinking in the bathroom and before I sleep. The before sleep ones does get a little emotional at times. The bathroom ones are better, deeper I feel. But I usually forget everything when I get out. Can't seem to keep them in. I realise I have a lot to say but often I forget what I really want to say. I don't know how to put them in words. Not even in this blog. I know, just say. But there's just so much so much. Friendships mean a lot to me. And I always feel that every friendship is different and special. Unique. You can do a lot of things together with this one person and grow the friendship but when you do exactly the same things with another, it's just different. I always wanted to be a friend to everyone. Okay, maybe not everyone. Not just a friend but someone close. I know it's impossible to be close to everyone you know. I guess I'm still learning to accept that. I understand it a lot better now. Now, there's just this handful that I want to grow my relationship with. I feel that you are close to me, but you may not feel the same way. Because there's always other friends you got. This fact, I'm still trying to accept. I guess I just feel insecure. Even typing this. Someone out there might be reading. But I believe God will protect me against my enemies. That even when the enemy is at the door, I can still sit down at the table to eat/drink. I feel quite possessive, a need to spend time with people. I believe. Like a person who goes to church week after week might not be close to God but a person who doesn't goes to church at all is definitely not close to God, so is spending a lot of time with a person doesn't mean you are close to him/her but not spending time at all means this person is definitely not close to you. Insecurity. Missing old times. I guess it's about moving on and growing up. Not living in the past but looking forward into the future. As one grows up, there are more commitments, more responsibilities, less time for leisure, less time for play and fun. I seem to be the only one who have so much free time. I guess I'm just not using my time productively. ill-discipline's the word to use. Even those studying in RP, supposedly to be more free, are finding jobs, working. Well, I'm a slacker, as some would say. Reminiscing times with bfc. Not that I don't like my new cell now. I like my leaders. But things are just different. A different season. A different phase of life. Speaking of friendships, I'm gonna take love languages into consideration. My strongest(highest) are Words and Time. It seems like Time has overtaken Words. So much so that I feel a need to spend time to those I love more. I'm learning to let go. Believing that spending more time doesn't mean I will grow closer to you. Or you to me. It's hard to see that "Words" is my strongest love language out of the five pertaining to the fact that I don't speak a lot. I've grown, for the better, I think. Little do you know, that all those time spent, meant a lot to me. Even though you could count the words I spoke with your hands, I enjoyed those moments. To the point of watching a movie I just caught not long ago. To some, it might just be a waste of money. For certain shows, I would agree. But I believe I'm sowing to the relationships that are dear to me. To all my dear friends, my darlings, dears & bros. I love you. Remember, Words. I don't mind saying those three words to you every day of my life. More than don't mind in fact, I would love to. But not many can accept that. To guys, it's so gay. To girls, I don't know man. Okay, maybe not saying it everyday. I'm not used to it yet since I don't say it as often as I would love to. SMS, maybe. But there's a lack of two things in this world. First, lack of love, you say. I'll add on, there's also a lack of expressing love. Thank you for your love and time. Hope you will have a better understanding of me...?
Sorry, this post is poorly-orientated/oriented. Also, note that, this post is strictly not directed to anyone, it's just a virtually written form of my thoughts. If you didn't already know, the word "you" can exist in plural form as well.
